we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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