Moan for me like Helen Keller
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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