We named our party play list daddy issues
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
