Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
