I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
