i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
