My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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