I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
