is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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