At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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