I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
