my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
