as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize