the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
