tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
