I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
