If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
