Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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