i permit you to call me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
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After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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