I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
