Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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