Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
