I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
