At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Green mimosas i think yes
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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