After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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