hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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