Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize