so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
