I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
