If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize