How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize