guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
