I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
