I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
