Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
