I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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