If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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