I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
