I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
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Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize