SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
