broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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