If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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