I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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