so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
