He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i barfeds in our rink
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
