I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
