The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
