The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
