I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
