swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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