All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
