next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
