im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
