Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
