Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
