you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
