What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
