During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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