what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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