Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
