like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
