no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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