she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
