Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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