just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
