I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is the high leading the old right now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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