had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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