Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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