Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
