Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I haven't been this sober since birth.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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