I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
