omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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