So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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