bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
