Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
