we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
