I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
