we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I would fuck him just for his dog
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
