Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
