I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
