Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
