i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
