Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
false alarm. still invincible.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
