How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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